Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Albert Einstein
About three weeks ago. A Wednesday afternoon. 3:45 PM. I was busy preparing for the outreach event, picking up my bag and finally opening the office door to leave. Then, the phone rang. It was the repairman for the busted office phone line. Errrr! I hate a delay but I just have to instruct him about the problem. I’ve waited some few minutes while he fix it but I guessed it would take more time than fifteen minutes. So I went again inside the office and slumped on my chair, throw my bag and stuff on the table. I thought of eating some crackers and give the repairman some more 10 minutes to do his fixing but if it’ll take more than that time, heck, I need to go it is already four and would be late for a 5pm appointment. 10 more minutes and I counted down. As I was silent and just biting my crackers, often just from nowhere as His presence is always here with me, God opened a conversation. He asked me a question, “Why do you do what you do-this? Why would you have to go and tell people about me?” And I turned around as if to look at Him in disbelief. “Oh, come on God, You are all-knowing, you know the answer right?” He was silent. “Okay, the answer obviously is… You see it God, I love you and so I do this.” And He replied with a, “Really, are you sure you love me?”. Hearing the question mark tone at the end of his statement, I was starting to be doubtful if I really love God. As my face creased in wonder and confusion, God said, “I believe that you love me but I just want you to know that I love you and it is I who loves you more.” I don’t understand that line much so I did not give it much thinking. And because I needed to go already. So I picked up my things again, give the driver of the car a go-signal to bring me to the location of the outreach.
While on the location and meeting the in-charge on the location which is a basketball court and people are busy setting up the stage and band equipments, the lights, and backdrop, suddenly someone screamed afraid. Ahhhhh! Kablaggghh! The next moment, I just realized the huge basketball board fell on me and the man I was talking with. It was an accident or was it not? Nobody intended or expected the board would fell straight on us. My legs hurt but I stood immediately and I realized, the man beside me was pale and agonizing in pain and wounds. I rushed towards him limping and helped him but his case was serious so being in-charge of the event, I’m responsible to rush him to the hospital.
He was brought to the Emergency Room and required to have an X-ray. While waiting for the laboratory be done, I checked at myself and I saw I have scratches of wounds on my elbow and my left leg a bit aching but generally, I was just fine. Suddenly in the ER, a young boy about thirteen was rushed inside with doctors and nurses trying to rescue his breathing. But he was pale white, no pulse and no breathing already. The case was the boy was drowned in deep rainwater gathered in a quarry site where he played and swam and drowned suspectedly at a time he was believed to be in school. The doctor announced to his grandma, he is dead on arrival already. They were disengaging the medical apparatus from the dead body. The woman wailed and mourned. I felt so much pity at the old woman because there was no one else to comfort her and she was hopelessly begging the doctors to do something more. But it was just too late. I gave my shoulder for the woman to cry upon as I was the only person infront of her she found to lean on almost to faint. I don’t know what to say. I felt so bad I can not help her. I looked at the lifeless boy and to the old woman and calmed her. I managed to tell her that we are not the owner of our own lives that there is Someone else greater who is the creator and giver of life. And she replied crying, “But my boy is still so young a thirteen. I wish I was the one who died ahead instead of him.” I let out a sigh and just shared a truth I believe to her that God is the only one who can give and take a life. Because He is God. And we are not. Unless we accept that we would not be peaceful and would not understand why. Though we don’t understand God’s ways, it is not valid to dismiss that He is not God. Because our lack of understanding actually makes us human incomparable to God or become God. In Isaiah 55:9 God’s word says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Just then the old woman was calmed down, and another person was rushed in the ER who is chasing his breathes having a heart attack. Of all instances, my eyes met the eyes of the man in pain. I felt guilty, I wanted to help him. But I’m not a Superwoman or God! The doctors are attending to him but if it indeed his time to go, I thought no one can prevent that. Like no one can prevent or recourse the accident or incident whatever to call it that brought me to the hospital. Everybody has a time to die. It is just a matter of schedule after all.
Same day. 10:45 PM. I laid my head on my pillow. I ached at the swelling of a bruise in my left pelvis side because of the accident which drove me to the sad scenarios in the hospital. I thanked God. I was after all safe. My thoughts flashed to the conversation I had with God in the office earlier. And I said, “I’m sorry God. Now, I got Your point. Yes I realize I do things because I love you. Because I felt it is important for me to show I love you but I think my efforts are nonsense compared to Your point. Yes, Your love is greater. Where would I be without You. I am a helpless, self-centered, perfect sinner even when I show love. I run less of understanding. Like the Apostle Paul I say, “I am wretched (wo)man, who can save me?”
But Your love is greater. Your love is perfect. Your love covers all my sins. Your love is strong. Your love is life. Jesus, Your love saved me. Thank You for loving me first. Thank You for loving me more. It is not important how much I love You. What is important for me is that You love me.
